In a shocking turn of events, the U.S. government has announced it will “definitely consider” Australia’s model of gun control – sometime before the next century. This decision follows the tragic high school shooting in Georgia, where a teenager's access to firearms sparked yet another round of thoughts and prayers, followed closely by political inaction.
White House sources have confirmed they are “seriously thinking” about Australia’s near-total gun ban from 1996, just as soon as they’ve finished debating whether to ban TikTok.
"Look, we've seen what Australia did with their guns. It's, uh, something we might, you know, take a look at," said one unnamed U.S. official while showing their son how to polish an AR-15. "If they can do it, why can't we? Eventually."
Meanwhile, the NRA responded swiftly, arguing that any restrictions would threaten Americans' right to arm their houseplants. As the nation eagerly awaits action, experts predict meaningful gun reform might arrive just in time for the release of Fast & Furious 57: Electric Boogaloo.
